To get an idea of how well we work together as a team here at VirtualPBX, it is important to understand the battery of talent that makes up our leadership. It is in that interest that we offer you the following executive bios for some of the hands on the helm.
After being raised on a secluded compound run by joint forces from both MI-6 and the CIA, the agent known as Paul Hammond pursued education in international business and espionage. Not much is known about his whereabouts during the mid 1980s and early 1990’s, but it has been rumored that an individual matching his description was seen in several high-profile hot war engagements including Grenada, Panama, Bosnia/Sarajevo, and certain areas of modern day Myanmar. Though he currently serves as a high-profile board member, it is still widely speculated that these roles are merely a cover for Hammond, the mysterious and philanthropic playboy, as he monitors Silicon Valley’s super elite for the global power syndicate and clandestine order of The Illuminati.
Steve Lange was the true inspiration of the original Cannonball Run. Taken from the pages of his checkered, and often violent, history during his days as a companion to Hells Angels Oakland Chapter founder and alleged outlaw, Sonny Barger, Lange’s travels across the Eisenhower Interstate System are nothing short of legendary. Generally unimpressed with Barger’s lack of, as Lange puts it, “cajones,” however, Lange broke off from the notoriety of the cycle club patriarch to from his band of, “true devil dogs.” There is a large period of time missing from Lange’s whereabouts but he reportedly garnered multiple soloist moto-enduro wins at the Dakar Rally and acquired the nickname “The Snowman” for his ability to stay cool under pressure and to supposedly make his competition turn ashy-white with just a cold, deathly stare from across the room.
A lifelong devotee to show dogs, Lon Baker has brought numerous finalists performances to the Mayflower Kennel Society’s annual competition in New York City. Though his prized show pug, “Mister H. M. Snugglepug,” has been a powerhouse in the pug-heavy Northern California Regionals for four years in a row, Baker and Snugglepug have been the proverbial bridesmaids during each of those years at the ultimate test. Determined to find success at any cost, Baker, quite controversially, has recently employed the consultation of defamed show dog trainer, Ivan Vinokourov, who was the mastermind behind the widespread web of rampant international dog show doping violations in the mid 1990’s. Mister H. M. Snugglepug is undergoing unrelated and random-selection toxicology screens for performance enhancements and he nor Baker elected to comment on the matter.
Kevin “Iron Sides” Peyton was born behind a scrap metal recycling plant on the south side of Chicago on a cold and rainy winter’s day. In spite of being surrounded by harsh and unforgiving influences from an early age, or perhaps even because of it, Iron Sides adapted a keen eye for beauty in unsuspecting places. A lifelong apprenticeship of metalworking and welding led him to a widely successful business building evocative and emotionally charged industrial art installations for collectors, architects, municipalities, and art lovers of all ages the world over. Often described as vulnerable and delicate, the paradoxical Iron Sides is still known for laboring away late into the night in his metal workshop for Banksy-esque urban guerilla art installations. Iron Sides has recently indicated, however, that his true outlet for creativity moving forward will be through a slam-dance style of interpretative dance inspired from his days as a child in the scrap yard.
8th Dan Shotokan Karate master, chainsaw sculptor extraordinaire, and underground street car drifting competition veteran, Len Cacioppo’s greatest achievement is his collection of edelweiss. An avid mountaineer, Cacioppo makes a triennial pilgrimage to Mount Blanc to carefully select the most handsome Alpine blossoms, hand-deliver them safely back to his Silicon Valley home, and safely into his hermetically sealed, temperature controlled barometric chamber for safe keeping. It is upon his delicate and untouchable garden that the street racing octagon champion turned horticulturist gazes as he ponders the meaning of life and searches for inspiration for his next ice-block chainsaw sculpture.
If you haven’t noticed by now, your calendar does say today is the first of April, otherwise known as, April Fool’s Day. We hope you enjoyed this little bit of fun and to learn about our team and their real management bios, you can go here.
Of course, not all of us get our own bio but we’re all more than willing to help you with any of your hosted telephone questions any time. Go ahead and drop a line to our industry-leading Customer Support team and see how we can help your business begin saving with VirtualPBX today.